I'm feeling like a ein bisschen of a conservative after reading "Have You Gained Weight?" and "Get Naked with the Germans." I was so sure of myself in class, asserting that it's rude to comment on someone's weight, but these two articles make it clear that commenting on weight needn't be a big deal. It's just an observation, with no judgment attached (well, maybe a little judgment?). As with any other question--whether we want fruitcake or want to attend a party--it's ok to be honest in Germany. In fact, it's encouraged. By comparison, the US actually seems insincere. This afternoon I was very confident that NOT bitching and whining all the time makes Americans a far more polite society, but maybe politeness is overrated. It certainly leads to confusion in relationships and I would argue it makes us, on average, quite a sensitive people.
Regarding the article "Whatcha Lookin' at, Granny?" I have a question: if Germans tend to stare, but they also embrace nudity, does this mean that they continue to openly stare at fellow Germans when they are naked? Or is there some kind of eye-averting protocol in place that makes it clear how unimportant nudity is to them? In New York, zum Beispiel, not staring is intended to convey how little you care about something. A New Yorker would never stare, because he or she wouldn't want to convey the impression that something is a big deal. It's just not cool. I'm wondering if this is why German starers tend to be older. Not only have they experienced a historical precedent for knowing what their neighbors are up to, but I imagine that by the time you are somewhat elderly you might not care what others think about you anyway.
Fun!
AntwortenLöschenAs I mentioned in the comment to Natascha's post, I did first find it shocking when Germans bluntly commented on things and offered their opinions without any hesitations. But, I should say that once you I learned to accept it as just a part of culture, I DID find it very helpful. As a relative outsider to both the German and the US culture, I can compare the two "approaches" and I should say that here in the US it is still a mystery to me to know/guess what people really think about you and how much do they really want to be friendly with you (as opposed to just performing the expected politeness). In Germany, I could always pretty much tell whether people were interested in maintaining good/friendly relationships or not. In my experience, people never went out of their way to make me feel welcomed and comfortable if they were not so much inclined to try and establish a longer friendship. On the other hand, if they were friendly and interested, it always turned out to be a real friendship in the long run.
But most of all, the "directness" was a huge help in business relationships with German companies and clients. I mentioned today that I used to work as a professional interpreter and translator back in Russia, and it was always great to have business contacts with the Germans because of the very efficient and honest ways to communicate about anything - good or bad. A learning curve for Russian firms (who tend to take a much longer routs in business negotiations), and a learning curve for American firms (who often tend to stress the positives and minimize the negatives in negotiations)!
As for the question for combining "starring" and "nakedness" - this is the one for Niko! Any comments, Niko?
As a big fan of American politeness I have to agree with Vera though that recognizing a potentially lasting friendship is maybe easier in a country like Germany (while the process itself can become quite discouraging, too). Like Emily said, being polite all the time can certainly lead to "confusion" and uncertainty. In my experience, Germans are generally quite good in cultivating honest and lasting friendships, but politeness as a cultural technique is not very developed or appreciated.
AntwortenLöschenThe starring thing, I think, is both related to have no clue about politeness AND being old, grouchy and bored. One could now be mean and argue that these are exactly the reasons why people do the nudist thing -- because 98% of the naked people sunbathing at a lake or so in Germany are, I would say, not the ones that absolutely should expose their bodies in public. (But that's kind of impolite to say about my naked countrymen.)
… actually, now I'm feeling bad about my comment above and like I have to say a couple of things in favor of the idea of getting naked and how natural that is. As a small kid, I remember, me and my brothers ran around naked ("splitternackt") in gardens or even in the backyard of our Berlin apartment doing a 'water fight' ("Wasserschlacht") with the neighbors's kids in the summer, which was of course a lot of fun.
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